My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
