I'm so fucking centered right now
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
