Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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