I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
