I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
