Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
