you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
No subtext here. People are naked.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
