Kiss
Puke
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
