A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Randomize
