i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
