I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You are the jesus of drinking
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
