just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
