She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
