he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
