Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
