I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
