dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
