I think I am morally bankrupt
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Randomize
