If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
