put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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