I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
