I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
