the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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