So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
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