I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
