So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Randomize
