are you still at the devil's house?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
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