Screwed.edu
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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