I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
