So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
