I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Randomize
