I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
