i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
