Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
