Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
