Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
