I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
