she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
