Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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