i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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