he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My penis needs a shock collar
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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