He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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