Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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