its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
