found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
