I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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