Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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