I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
