just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
