i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
