So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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